While spending the summer in the beautiful Rocky Mountains I tried to be present in the everyday YMCA experience, but was also preoccupied with taking next steps for the future. I was often overwhelmed with balancing the tasks of serving as a project leader, trying to make myself available to meet with people, and taking necessary time to apply for graduate school and have enough alone time with God. By the end of the summer I had done what I needed to in regards to my graduate school application, and had to focus on applying for jobs for once I got back home. I applied for three jobs and had an interview set up for once I returned home, so I left the summer feeling like everything was falling into place.
Once I got back to Ohio reality hit super quickly. I instantly felt stressed about finding a job since it can be difficult finding something that pays well enough where I live without having to drive a decent distance. God provided me a job, as I was rehired at one of my old jobs from a few summers ago, and I started work the very next day which was definitely a relief, a burden lifted off of my shoulders. In regards to my physical therapy application I can’t do anything until I hear back from the school I applied to via early decision. I have been filled with worry because if I don’t get in there then I will have around 1 week to get my application into other schools which will be stressful. I have been hoping for an answer soon, so that I will have a little bit more time if I need to apply to more places.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Among grad school serving as a source of worry I have been worried about finding a good community for the next 8 months before I start school again. At Kent and in the past two summers I have been surrounded by so many people who love the Lord and have helped me grow, that it scares me to not immediately have that.
This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it- the Lord is his name: ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know’
Normally home is a place where I can feel rested and at peace. While I have been able to rest and catch up from sleep from Colorado, I haven’t been very at peace. I have constantly been on edge and missing my Kent community and friends.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
-Hebrews 12: 1-3
Whenever worry consumes me, I know that I am not trusting enough. The song New Wine by Hillsong says “When I trust in you I don’t need to understand”. I keep having to remind myself of this truth. Only God knows what will happen in my life, and He is in control. Before God came into my life I was very self-reliant, and have found this aspect of my personality hard to let go. I think He has been forcing me to let this go by placing me in situations where I can’t do anything on my own, I need Him. In areas before I came to know Him He has shown me how it wasn’t just me, it was Him. He was with me during some tough times academically in high school and showed me his presence on one of my worst days. He showed His faithfulness to me in providing for me financially for college, because I didn’t know how I would pay for college otherwise. He got me through times in college where I was completely overwhelmed and gave me strength to persevere. This past year of college was crazy taking 18 and 19 credits and being in more leadership roles than my previous two years, but God somehow helped me manage my time well, and I somehow still had more time for fun than my previous two years of college which was necessary for my mental health. By taking this gap year I was able to spend two summers in the Rocky Mountains, filled with so many memories and learning experiences, that I think God wanted me to have.
What God wants to do in these next 8 months I have no idea, but that’s okay because I don’t need to understand. He was faithful before, and will be faithful again. He loves me, is for me, and knows what is best for me.
Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
-Hebrews 10: 19-25