Doors are constantly revolving- they open and close all depending on what God has in store. He will close the doors we aren’t meant to open and open the ones that are meant for us. Sometimes he lets us go through the wrong doors to teach us, so we rely on Him to lead us to the right doors.
Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 8:2-3
Right now I feel as if the doors are all closed and I don’t know which one I meant to enter. I have no way of knowing which door will open, so I am forced to trust God. The not knowing part stresses me out, and I have been constantly concerned, worried, and impatient. God partially closed a door in the process, and then opened one with granting me an interview in Missouri. I know that in the upcoming months He will open more doors with more interviews and close some others with denial. I’m praying that if there is a choice to go through several different doors that He will lead me to the one where I can glorify Him the most.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24
I thrive when I am kept busy and have lots of things to look forward to. It is during the times of waiting and feeling like I am at a stand-still where impatience sets in. I hate the unknown as I like to feel like I have some kind of control over what is next. I’m good at partial surrender, but not as much with total surrender. Lately I have had to remind myself that God’s will takes precedence over my wishes. I could have the best application in the world and not get in if it isn’t in God’s will. I could also have a not-so-great application and still get in if that is what God desires. All of it does not happen on my own, He has a hand in everything.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
I think control can separate us from God. It tells us we don’t need Him, that we can manage by ourselves. It is the easy way out not requiring dependence, trust, and patience. It’s closing the door on God and attempting to shut Him out of our lives. It’s giving God 90% but not everything, keeping those parts you really care about away from Him. I’m learning that I need to let go and let God. I need to stop all the striving and my perfectionist ways, and just trust in His power and strength. I need to trust that whatever God has planned it’s going to be better than anything I could come up with on my own. In this moment God knows exactly what I need and has already provided. In this time of waiting God has already given me all that I need to rely and depend on: Him. God already has planned which doors will open two months from now, which is exciting. I need to stop worrying and rejoice in the present moment. I can find peace now and not just in the future when I put my hope in God. He already has total control over my life, which is reason to rejoice.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken
Psalm 62:6
Some words by Morgan Harper Nichols that have been of encouragement to me during this season:
“Perhaps there is no perfect or simple way to tread through this valley, but perhaps there is a way to tread through it as you are, knowing grace is never far and you are not alone”
“Even while you wait for certain things to fall into place, may you never forget that you are still free to thrive in this space; making the most of little things, making room for brand new things, fully living with all you have, even in your in betweens”
“While you are waiting for those certain things to happen, I hope you know there are still books to read. There are still people worth getting to know and there are still really good songs to sing. And these little things might not “fix” everything, but they will surely remind the soul, though the journey is long and winding, there is a life to be lived on the road”
“A restful approach to restless uncertainty provides strength and endurance for the rest of the journey”
“She may not know what tomorrow will bring but she will still be a reflection of hope and peace”